Sleep

Last night I crawled into bed just after eight. I fell asleep, but then woke up around nine starving. I figure the reason for that is that I was running around all day and did not really eat anything until dinner. So I had something to eat and then went back to bed. Ryan then woke up at 6:15ish. I nursed him and then put him back to bed. I then woke up this morning around 8:45. That is the most sleep that I have gotten in a long time.

Ryan has been waking up several times during the night for the last several months. I decided I was done and he could cry it out. Friday night he cried a lot. I wonder why I was punishing myself to teach my son good sleep habits.

Since I have been trying to teach him to sleep more than a few hours at a time (which he used to do, but for some reason has stopped) everyone in the house has been a little on edge. Misery likes company. I figure I am finished being the only one that is awake during the hours that people should never be awake. What can I say, I am so nice.

Grace took the top picture.

Snow is Here

Dear Grace,

This morning I opened the blinds and you saw snow on the ground. You ran into the bedroom to tell daddy (who was still sleeping). You were so excited and it was very cute! You wondered if we were going to church because it had snowed. You made up a little song for the snow.

"Snow is here, snow is here.
All the world is white and clear."

Earlier this week you tried to read the Book Of Mormon all by yourself for family scriptures before bed. You read two verses almost by yourself. I am always amazed at the hard words you can read without help. You came across the word iniquities. I told you the word, twice. You then said, "That's a hard word for kids." It was so cute!

I love you Grace!
Mom

Hmmm...

Well, I have not posted for awhile. I have not stopped thinking, but blogging has just not been a priority this summer.

Grace has been in school for several weeks now. It is going really well. Yesterday morning when I dropped the kids off I asked Grace if she was ready to walk to class by herself. She grabbed my hand and told me not yet. She held my hand all the way down the hall. It was so sweet. It is nice to know that she still needs me.

On Sunday we had Stake Conference, but it was broadcast from the conference center. It was really good. President Monson closed the meeting out. His talk was about developing a house of learning, a house of prayer and a house of fasting. It was great! I got a pat on the back figuratively during his talk when Grace looked up and said, "Mom, that is President Monson."

Ryan is growing so fast. He has been into exploring everything. His world is getting bigger everyday. It makes me so happy. Derek and I have a bet. I am totally going to win. If Ryan walks before he turns one, which he will, then I win. And if he waits to walk until after he turns one, which will not be the case, Derek will win. I am thinking of something awesome for my victory because Derek doen't have a chance. Ryan has four months left and I am completely confident in his skills. Derek, I love you!

Your Mommy and My Mommy

Dear Grace,

Last week I put on a pair of your father's black socks. (He is always telling me that I can buy some for myself, but I only wear them two or three times a month. I would rather spend that money on something that I would wear more often. Also, he has a lot of socks. I should know, I bought them.)

Anyway, I put on the socks and you turned to Ryan and said, "Your mommy and my mommy put on our daddy's socks." Ryan of course then laughed at you. I laughed too!

I started thinking about the wording. Let me know if I am reading into this too much.

Do I treat you and your brother different? Well, duh, I have to. He is a baby. He needs attention and he needs it differently than you. And well, frankly he is a lot needier than you.

Do I love one of you more? No! I thought I would when I was pregnant. I didn't know if I could love and hold and smile at another baby like I did and do with you. If anything, having Ryan made me love you more than I did before. I love Ryan just as much as you, but my love for you grew. I am not sure how. Several times a day I tear up (just a little) when I think of you and Ryan. I am so overwhelmed with the love that I feel for you two. I am so blessed!

Is this a possession issue? I think maybe. Lately you are asking me to hold you quite a bit. I love doing holding you. I am trying to make more of an effort to not push you aside, but you don't often complain. You are patient and loving and so sweet.


Love,
Mom

Cookies

We made some chocolate chip cookies last night for family home evening. Should that be capitalized? Oh well. Anyway, this morning I am the only one awake and watching the sun rise at...8:15? Yeah. It is that early. I just put Ryan back down to bed and then picked up the front room that I should have cleaned last night. Well, I go into the kitchen and I see the cookies. My first thought is that I should reward myself for being productive this morning.

ARE YOU KIDDING???

The sad truth. I want to reward myself for being up at 7:15, feeding Ryan, changing Ryan's clothes from a spit up/diaper disaster, getting him to laugh, putting him to bed, starting a load of laundry and picking up the front room.

I know that there are a lot of people who are up earlier and have done more with their day, but I still want that cookie. For a girl that would like to get back to pre-Ryan weight, I should realize how bad cookies are for breakfast.

Well, I decided to back away from the cookies and come blog to take my mind off of my bad temptation in the kitchen. I turn on the computer and pull up the internet and on the front page of yahoo! is an article about how pizza is a not so unhealthy option for breakfast. I wish I had some pizza!!! (Here is the link if you want it http://health.yahoo.com/experts/healthieryou/1/pizza-for-breakfast-yes/)

I love pizza for breakfast. Derek thinks that I am a little crazy on this issue. I think that the Lord blessed me with the ability to enjoy cold food. I eat warm/cold food a lot. This is thanks to my children. It is part of my how to loose weight and crave cookies in the morning diet. Here is how it works.

You need to make sure that your children that can eat solids have everything on their plate that you cooked for your well-balanced dinner. Then cut everything that might even have a possibility of needing to be cut. You don't want to interrupt your dinner to cut something that your child freaked out over because it is the size of a nickel instead of a dime.

Next, grab the pitcher of what ever liquid you are serving your family to drink because you forgot it when you were setting the table. Oh yeah, and the cups. Time to eat? Yeah right. Good luck on that.

You think that it is time to finally eat and so you sit on your chair and pick up your fork and start to salivate because you are a world class cook and people wish that you would cook for them so that they could taste your heavenly creations. This is when your food starts to get really cold. The baby that you love so much decides that even though you fed him very recently wants to eat again. I think that may be he doesn't want to be left out.

There you go. Cold food. If you are like me you don't reheat, just eat. The more time you waste in reheating the less time you will have to eat.




I will brag about what I had yesterday for breakfast. I made myself apples and cinnamon oatmeal. It was good, but oatmeal is never good cold!!! I had to reheat once, but then when it came time to do it again I decided to wait until lunch to eat something.

I hope that my family knows I love them and that food it just one of the small sacrifices I am willing to make. By the way, I still want the cookie.

Graceful

Dear Grace,

Your Uncle Christopher came over this afternoon with his girlfriend Heidi. While he was here he reminded me of something you said about a year and a half ago.



I had said, "You are so graceful."

You then replied with, "And you are mommyful and dad is daddyful and grandma is grandmaful."

It was so cute!!

I was glad that Christopher reminded me of that.

I love you!
Mom

Happy Baby

Dear Ryan,

This past week you have started to smile and laugh. When you smile you look just like Grace did at your age. Your laugh is so cute. It sounds like you are hyperventilating. On Monday, as we were getting ready for our trip, I was singing along with Norah Jones and you were laughing, smiling and singing along with me. Daddy opted out of the singing.

I love playing with you!

During the family prayer at Grandpa Clark's funeral you were smiling and laughing so hard. It was very comforting. You are such a blessing to me!

Love,
Mom

Vacation

I am on vacation, sort of. I really just moved my job to another location. If I am being honest isn't that really what a vacation for a mother is? I guess I don't have to do dishes or laundry, but all the other stuff that makes up my "job" is still intact. I think that they should be called business trips. This morning instead of receiving a paycheck I am getting smiles and giggles from Ryan (and diapers to change).

I loved this business trip. Derek did a good job of planning the family vacation in about a day. We are in St. George, which Grace keeps calling home. She also thinks that they are not in the season of winter, but in summer. She is having fun. Ryan is not. He thinks St. George is the place for crying, at least in the evening.

Yesterday we went to Snow Canyon. It is a beautiful drive to the park. There is a five dollar fee per vehicle, but it is well worth it. We walked one of the easy half mile hikes. There was a slot canyon and a lookout at the end. Because it is a sandstone formation there was beautiful flow patterns and holes had been eroded. Derek and Grace climbed through the places that had been carved out by the wind. Very kewl!!!

We drove through Santa Clara and some other small towns trying to find some lunch. We drove past the Relief Society House. I don't have background on that. I will have to look it up. We saw a beautiful chapel built out of the red sandstone. It looked amazing next to the red cliffs.

Before we went on this fun adventure we went shopping. Grace seemed to enjoy herself, but the boys, I think, thought that I was poisoning them. Grace now has a beautiful Easter dress. My favorite dress there cost $50, but I settled for my second favorite at $25. I hope they go on sale before Easter so I can go and get the other one. I hate being rational.

Cheerios

Dear Grace,

Today you said the funniest thing.

Background: You like your cereal in a bowl with out milk and a cup with milk. Basically, you don't like to mix what is supposed to be mixed. I think you have put milk in cereal maybe a handful of times. You also don't like bread on your sandwiches. You just eat the middle stuff; cheese, meat, etc.


This morning you asked, even with a please, if you could have Honey Nut Cheerios. I got both of us cereal. I was distracted when pouring the milk and I out milk in your cereal. I told you that I was sorry and that I accidentally put milk in your cereal. You then said, "That is accidentally okay."

What in the world does that mean?!

Am I forgiven or not? Is this "accidental okay" a one time deal? Does it apply to anything else? Does that mean you will always have a phobia about milk in cereal because I screwed up? I don't get it.

One of my heros

On Saturday my dad had his birthday. He turned "old". At least he turned older than me. My dad has taught me a lot through the past quarter of a century plus a few weeks. Some of the things I remember hearing are: "Life's not fair", "Who is Noah?" (pronounced noooo-ahhhh, usually accompanied with an eye roll), "Those are happy noises" referring to children playing loudly and last but not least........pregnant pauses.

I love my dad and I am so glad that he is my dad. He is one of the big reasons I have such an amazing husband. I always wanted someone like my dad. He listens to me, makes me feel important, has hairy arms and legs, honors priesthood and loves to play.

He never let people call me shy and was always very encouraging. He gave me confidence and showed me that I had something to offer. He always helped me see things from different points of views and asked me questions to make me think.

Happy Birthday Dad!!!

Growing Pains

Dear Ryan,

Life for a baby can be rough. I just want you to know that life will get better. Baby acne is hard and can be traumatic for young ones. I know that you are strong and will get through it. :)

You have grown three inches since you were born. That may not be totally accurate since that is what I did here at home. You are starting to grow out of lots of your clothes. Your little thighs are also starting fill out. I love it!!! You have been smiling quite a bit lately, just not at anything we do or say.

We have changed a lot as a family since you were born. Maybe it is more just me. I feel like I have changed a lot. I try to shower and get ready for the day after your morning feeding around 6:30. It makes me feel more productive. I also then can shower while your daddy is home instead of recruiting Grace as your babysitter. I am also a lot more on top of house cleaning. I feel like I have to be or the house falls into chaos.

Last night you were so grumpy before bed and I was not sure that you would make it through family home evening, but as soon as we started you fell asleep and did not wake up. I appreciate blessings that come immediately from obedience. I am all about immediate gratification.

I think that you might be getting a cold and that makes me nervous. I also think that you have cradle cap. I was looking at your hair today, which I love to do often, and your scalp looks like it might be peeling. You have the best hair. It is so soft and it has some curl to it. I like to run my fingers through it.

I am glad that you are here. I needed you more than I knew. Before you were born I was extremely nervous about having a son and a second child. (Ask Granny. She listened to me a lot. I am sure she rolled her eyes and maybe laughed at your neurotic mother, but she let me know I could do it.) One night we were at Daddy's mission reunion and I was talking to President Young and I voiced some of my concerns. He then referenced the Proclamation to the Family. he talked to me how each family has been divinely designed and that we are here for each other. He said that we can reach our potential in the families we are born into. He told me that I can help you more than another mother could and that is why you are mine. I was so grateful for his words. I felt a peace after talking to him. I still feel pressure when I think about what Dad and I need to prepare you for; the priesthood, a mission, patriarch of you future home and family. I know that you are a strong boy, but I hope that I am up to the task of preparing you.

I love you!
Mom

Colds

Dear Grace,

This morning you got up with Ryan at 6:45. I tried to get you to take a nap, but you are a big girl and feel no need for such things. It amazes me how much you have grown. I forget sometimes that you are only four years old. You say the funniest things and are very methodical.

Tonight I got you and Ryan in bed by 7:45. You woke up crying at 8:15 mumbling something. I tried to understand what you said both times you said it, but it was unintelligible. I ended up bringing you out on the couch as I typed this entry. You decided that your bed was more comfortable. Before entering your room you turned to me and said, "Have fun paying bills." I thought that was so cute.

You are coming down with a cold that hit me hard yesterday. All day you have been so sweet and let me take naps. You played by yourself for hours today. Usually when I nap you wake me every five or ten minutes and ask, "Mom, when are you going to wake up from your nap." The way you ask the question cracks me up because you ask like you don't care if I sleep you just want to know when I will be up, so you can plan your day.

You are the Star Student at school and are so excited about it. Your teacher sent home a laminated poster for us to fill out. It asks questions like, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" and "What is your favorite subject in school?". You colored all over it and I had to find space to write answers in. You are so enthusiastic about everything.

You give your brother kisses until he cries or until Dad or I tell you to give Ryan some space. Granny tells me that this will fade, but it has not lessened at all in the last month. I don't mind it too much unless i am getting smothered in the process. Then I start to feel a little claustrophobic. You are so cute with Ryan though. I know that you love him so much.

Goodnight sweet angel.
Mom

Opening Thoughts

Derek has urged me to keep a journal to help my memory. I think I might have the beginnings of Alzheimer's or something. I cannot remember events in the past. I never have bragged about my memory. I think it is fine, but when I am compared to Derek and Grace it is amazing I don't forget my pants every morning. Instead of writing in a journal every day I figured that I would put my thoughts, experiences and things I want in this blog.

I have also wanted to start journals for Grace and Ryan so I am going to write thoughts to them here as well.